I'm sure that you have all had to deal with angry children before. At my house, it is a fairly common occurrence. This morning Kieren, my 14-year-old son, was up and all ready for school before 7am. When I woke up he said to me, "Mum, I have done all of my chores, I am ready for school and I would like to go on the computer please". Of course, my answer was "yes".
Kieren jumped straight on the computer. Five minutes later his younger brother came out and decided that he should also have a turn on the computer before school. Trouble was, he hadn't done any chores and wasn't ready for school. Nevertheless, he took things into his own hands and said to Kieren, "you have to give me a go too".Needless to say, his brother wasn't impressed.
I explained to Sam that Kieren was allowed his turn because of what he had already done but it didn't seem to sink in. Sam was thinking about how he could make it happen.
I was washing up and listening to the heated debate. after a while, I felt the need to interrupt. I told Sam that if he kept on complaining and arguing that he would miss out on his turn altogether that day. By this stage, tears were flowing and he was very upset. By now Kieren had left for school. smart kid.
Sam sat down and tried to start the computer, ignoring my requests to stay away from it. I actually had to usher him to the doorway to leave for school. This was quite simply not the right time to be talking to Sam about the incident.
Now here's the thing: as parents, we need to understand that when a child gets angry and on a roll, they aren't capable of thinking clearly and making rational decisions. When your kids are angry and emotional they need time to cool down before they can talk about it.
The outcome? Well, I won't know that until this afternoon when Sam comes home from school. My hope is that he will have calmed down enough to give me an apology. And you can be sure that he will be missing his computer time this afternoon.
We can't always control how our children behave. But we can control our reactions to it. Giving Sam a ban on the computer today will speak volumes to him about the inappropriateness of his behavior. And I have also decided to ring the school counselor to see if there are any special courses or training opportunities for Sam to help him learn to deal with his anger in a constructive way.
It is not a bad thing to have problems with your children. Believe me. I have four children and the dramas are neverending. The key is in HOW you choose to deal with them.