.jpg)
.jpg)
1. First and foremost, take care of yourself. If you are in good condition, physically and emotionally, your kids will be too. Find creative ways to get rest and rejuvenate yourself. Take the time to look for natural therapies or inquire about Bio-Identical Hormone Replacement to help you ease the symptoms of menopause. Spend time outside exercising or relaxing. Take at least five minutes every day to meditate, breathe deeply, or do yoga. The time you devote to yourself will greatly improve the time you devote to your loved ones. 2. Take your time. Do not allow schedules to run you; on the contrary, plan for family activities and kids' activities to fit your life. There is time for everything, just take it easy and enjoy each moment, if you do not, stop and adjust. Do not be afraid to ask for help from family or friends to drive the kids to their activities if you need some time off; you can even plan schedules with other parents and share driving responsibilities to free some of your time. 3. Teach your children about “resting time”. Set aside half an hour every day for you and the kids to rest; they can read a book, color, take a nap, listen to music, or do any other relaxing activity. Eventually, they will learn to really enjoy these moments and will be more willing to calm down if they are feeling weaker on a particular day. 4. Remember that you are not alone. Ask for help, and learn about practical ways to deal with homework, fights, planning, and scheduling; this will get rid of a lot of stress and will enhance your relationship with your kids. There are many tricks you can learn to ease your routine with the kids and lighten up your life so that you can look after yourself in a better way. 5. Talk to other parents and share advice about dealing with the kids and daily activities. Maybe you can share responsibilities with other parents to care for the kids some days of the week so that you and the others can take turns and have a whole day to yourself. 6. Ensure your children are getting a good night's sleep. This will guarantee they are more manageable and calm during the day, giving you a break and easing stress. Enforcing a consistent routine of going to bed at the same time every day will create good physical and mental habits. 7. If you feel extremely weak or tired, you will not be able to deal with anything. Ask for some time off and for help. Explain to your kids that you need to relax for a while in order to be able to function. Ensure your children are safe and go take care of yourself. If you enjoyed this article, please feel free to post it to your site or blog and forward this link to your friends. Have a great day! I hate you!", "I hate you both!" (to his dad and me), "You're making me starve!" (when I won't cook a second or third dinner) and "You're a poo-poo head!" I hadn't heard these things from him until recently. Well now, the "poo-poo head" is getting to have her say. Read on. I have to admit, these new things he's saying are taking me aback. Mostly I think it's because there's a level of directedness toward me that wasn't there before. It's hard not to take it personally and react accordingly. Maybe if he were a real leopard cub, he'd be going "RRAAHHhhrr," and I'd be extending a big fat mama lion paw in response. But here in the human world, I found myself stuck. So... I signed up for a coaching session with parenting coach, Shelly Birger. I was having a hard time putting into practice what Shelly and I preach about in our daily lives sometimes. She helped me to look at my son not as an adversary, but as someone moving from being a little boy to being a bigger boy-someone who needs my help to do this. She reminded me to tune in with his needs for autonomy and connectedness. She also reminded me of something I know intellectually but find it hard to remember when a little being is yelling at me and slamming doors... Assume positive intention, or, as Marshall Rosenberg puts it, "Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs." Everyone, no matter what we're doing, is always trying to make life go better, however misguided our actions might seem. If nothing else, when I keep this in mind, I'm more likely to feel compassion rather than anger toward my fifty-pound maverick. Shelly also reminded me that this is my son's best attempt at meeting his needs. I prefer this story to "He has it in for me." If I remember how lovely it feels to connect with him, and how things can flow when we're playing together, or even just taking a walk or a drive, I can see that, even in the throes of harsh words and actions, he is doing his best. Five and a half years is not a very long time to gain a mastery of anything, let alone the art of being human. I have nearly forty years on him, and I can still fill several pages with things I wish I hadn't said or done. Finally, when my son is at least calm enough to interact, I can sometimes remember to ask him what he is needing and wanting. For example, after refusing to pull his shoes onto his feet, and insisting I do it instead, I asked him, "Are you wanting to feel loved and cared for?", remembering that this has been a need he's revealed in the past. When I asked him, he softened. He still wanted me to put the shoe on for him, but at least I introduced the concept that I can tune into his needs without necessarily agreeing with how he goes about meeting them. Sometimes, in the past, I have said something like, "I can understand that. I love you and care for you tremendously, and...I am busy with something else right now, so I'm going to let you refill your water glass yourself." It's not so much whether our guesses are 100% accurate, but that we care enough to tune in and guess at all. This is what will build connection and trust. |